The moment we both feared had finally approached us, and we thought we were ready. We knew we were holding each other back from growing further, our romantic paths weren’t crossing anymore, and it was so bittersweet because we were still in love.
There was never a lack of love. There was so much love in fact, that we sacrificed our own needs, for the other’s happiness. We both tilted the scales of giving to the other, until we were both out of balance and had to find our own happiness again… this time without each other.
We were soul mates. A power couple. We had established a life together. We owned a business together. We were raising my amazing 4 year old daughter together, and he is like another father to her. We were an amazing team. We still flirted and had amazing sex nearly 3 years into our relationship. We *hoped* we would grow together… and we agreed from the start, that if we began to hold each other back from our own growth, that we would set each other free.
Let me tell you, this “freedom” felt like a sucker punch to the gut that made my head spin and my heart pound. It was not pretty. I found myself hyperventilating and sobbing in the bathroom as if someone had died. When relationships end, we grieve the loss very similarly to how we would grieve a death. After all, our attachments to the way things used to be must die, and we must rebuild what our *new* life looks like.
We reach these moments in life that Christopher and I would like to call “Uncomfortable Comfort Zones”. We watched our friends move into them, and stay there, out of fear of losing what they know. It’s not really what they want, yet, they stay put in the job/relationship/living situation etc. because they know what to expect and have learned to live with it. We would commend our friends that we saw stepping outside of the uncomfortable comfort zone, and now it was our turn to practice what we preached. We had to to step outside of the uncomfortable comfort zones we had created with each other, and face our fears of change.
Change is so frightening. No wonder children are afraid of the dark. The unknown scares us more then anything. Deep down, our souls are yearning for change, but our minds are so afraid to do anything about it. Even when we start to be optimistic and think about what we want to create, and we reach for those thoughts that feel better, it still takes a ton of courage to step towards it and away from what’s comfortable. With that courage, you take the steps and jump into the deep end of grief, doubt, anger, despair and hopefully, sprinkled with moments of acceptance. It all seems to come in waves.
Unconditional love can bite you in the ass. It has a bittersweet sting and cuts through your heart, because you realize, that you have actually been loving with conditions this whole time. When the conditions change, and the love remains, it confuses you with so many emotions at once. Doubt creeps in, how can two people who love each other so much still, change their lives and resist the desire to still be together? Talk about will power.
It takes a new type of approach to consciously uncouple yourself from a love of your life, in a way so that bridges don’t get burned and deep healing can emerge from the emotions that bubble to the surface. We are learning how to step out of old paradigm patterns of resentment or disgust that we are used to projecting onto our partner. It is time to learn how to walk away without holding onto spite, hate, rage or judgement.
Not saying these emotions won’t appear, because they can, and chances are they will come up. It’s how you deal with these emotions that defines the growth you develop from the separation.
As the acceptance sinks in, gratitude begins to expand in the place where suffering and sadness once dwelled in my heart. Recreating a friendship based in unconditional love, and respecting each other in a new light has given us the permission we truly needed to blossom into our next stage of becoming. Learning how to co-parent and run a business together with this new relationship dynamic is not easy by any means, but it is doable. Keeping a stable and secure home life for the little one, and honoring our friendship is more important than holding onto pain. However, the pain had to be honored and felt. If it gets stuffed down or ignored, it will grow, and then pressurize. I felt like I was crying for weeks on end. Seperating our energetic chords from each other with unconditional love, and mutual respect is by far the healthiest break up I could ever imagine.
This is how we can embody our 5-D lessons into our 3-D lives. Honoring the oneness, and the seperation simultaneously. This is what conscious uncoupling looks like. We are the co-creators of our experience. So when you know your relationship is no longer serving you, and you still feel the love there, know that it doesn’t have to be black and white. You can honor your needs, and your individual paths as they might not be destined to be intertwined forever. We are all growing and changing, and the highest form of unconditional love is to set each other free.
I love you, Christopher. Those 3 words have a whole new meaning now, and I am so grateful for you as an ally and friend in my life. I am so honored to have been your sacred lover during the time we had together. I still miss you at times, but I know that it is not in alignment with our true highest happiness. Thank you for honoring my needs, and your own. Thank you for your dedication to Iris, and your ability to step through your ego so that we can create a strong future for her, even though it looks different then we planned.
I’m so sorry, I love you, Please Forgive Me, and Thank You.
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