This one is for the kinky ladies out there.
Have you ever screamed out “Oh Daddy!” in bed, and have no idea why?
You certainly don’t have the hots for your father, nor are you imagining your lover as him.
….at least I don’t.
But maybe your lover is what you’ve always wished your Dad could have been?
I have recently wrapped my head around this subconscious response, in a rather alarming way.
It was rooted in a deep wound that I have been holding onto for practically my whole life, and it was triggered by one word: perfect. Rather, it was the context of this word, and I was not it.
My partner openly admitted to me that I am not perfect, and he was perfectly okay with it. I was face to face with absolute ego smashing at it’s finest. I became straight-up offended, then hurt, then guarded. I knew the subconscious was coming out to play games.
My mind was racing.
Is “perfection” realistic? Or just an ideal that nobody can really live up to?
It is a desire to be deemed “perfect” by my partner, but is it necessary?
My deep desire to be perfect blooms from my womb with a fire burning hot.
I want that. Especially from my Lover. So BAD. But, WHY?
Was it society that told me I wanted that?
Is this deep programming from the patriarch?
Or… does it stem from my own father somehow?
Why must I want to be recognized as a thing I already am? I know this fundamentally… Everything is somehow perfect, even when we don’t understand it. We are all created in divine perfection and all our mistakes are perfect because we learn from them… and this too, was a new opportunity to look deeper within and find out why this word had me so twisted up inside.
I felt that these could be stemming from ancestral patterns and deep conditioning. I was reminded of the Psychological condition called the “Electra Complex” by a good friend. This term is coined by Carl Jung and Neo-Freudians as the psychological feminine equivalent to the Oedipus complex, the man who loves his mother. Electra envies her mother, and has a deep love for her father. In this Greek myth, her mother murders her father, then Electra and her brother kill the mother in revenge. Talk about family issues.. The idea is that in an “Electra Complex”, a girl psychologically wants the attention of her father, or men like her father, and envies women like her mother (competition). This might connect some dots to where lots of female psychology gets its competitive nature with other women, whether they are like their mother or not.
Now, this is getting closer to the whole “Daddy” thing, but doesn’t quite ring true to my deep subconscious pain…. So I kept digging.
Who didn’t want to be “Daddy’s Little Girl”?
However, once I was old enough to realize my Dad was a narcissistic pathological liar, I wrote him off, and told him off too, whenever I had the chance. In rebellion of this father I didn’t approve of, I picked partners that were as far opposite of him as I could get. I realize now, This was partially a defensive response not only to his poor integrity, but also to his lack of acceptance of me.
The real me.
The divine artist within me and the woman I was becoming.
I never realized just how much I desired my Dad to just accept me as I was.
In every stage, loving how I grew and being proud of me as I walked into womanhood.
Instead I got this guy who loathed me turning older, hotter, and looking for love.
He never approved of me or my partners, and he still doesn’t.
But it began with my desire. My desire to be accepted, loved, and “perfect”.
Pain and Pleasure are both born from desire.
When the desire is not fulfilled, disappointment seeps in as pain.
When the desire is satisfied however, pleasure blooms from the seams.
I realized, my current partner is exactly the kind of man I wanted my father to be, and my deep rooted desire was for Daddy to accept me as I was growing up. I wanted to be held and feel safe, and my lover does all of those things and more. He embodies the divine masculine in all the ways I desire.
The Holy Father.
So, when we came together in divine union, my subconscious screamed out with joy that this divine holy father was accepting me, and giving me the pleasure I desired as an adolescent.
Whenever I was asked how old I was (in role playing) I immediately would answer “12.” without a doubt.
I carry no shame about this any longer.
I understand now it was at this age of innocence that I began to lose my Dad’s approval, and outward expression of physical love. I was in-between girl and woman and puberty was starting to kick in. My subconscious simply wanted to go back to that age to heal, to feel accepted, to feel unity and love with the divine masculine.
“The Daddy Wound” as I’m calling it, is all about healing our subconscious relationship with the divine masculine force we were introduced to as children. Sometimes, our fathers don’t represent this very well, and we can get lost seeking that fulfillment in relationships.
To understand our wounds, we can build the bridge of healing, expand our consiousness and grow into our divine self.
Was there an age where your Dad “rejected” you?
Perhaps you have always looked to attain the approval from your partners, to fill this wound with love. And maybe, your partner can provide the loving container for you to heal these wounds… Allow yourself to be loved, Goddess. Allow the Masculine to hold you with his strength, his integrity and his honor. He is here to honor you, beloved.
As I heal and understand myself, I hope I can help others heal and understand themselves.
Deep rooted subconscious patterns that have been playing out in human “dramas” for thousands of years are swimming to the surface of our consciousness… These ancestral patterns don’t have to be toxic and confusing anymore…they don’t have to be deemed “dirty” and “wrong”… Rather, in the right context, they can catapult our consciousness into deeper states of self-acceptance, and healing from the inside, out.
Together, we can heal the old, embrace the new, and bloom.